The Return of a Mother's Long Lost Mojo

Once I was dynamic, once I was confident, once I took time for myself, once I was single and carefree. Then I got married and had children....

In my early twenties I longed for the security and love of a long term partner, not marriage and children necessarily, just somebody to share the ups and downs of life with. I met my now husband when I was 25 and my first daughter arrived when I was 30.

Up until that point I guess I lived a hedonistic lifestyle, with nobody to consider but myself and my partner, we both had well paid (if stressful) jobs, drove nice cars and indulged ourselves with sports bikes and all their associated accessories. Meals out were at least twice weekly and we did what we liked when we liked in our free time. My first child was a 'happy accident' and within seconds of the confirmation by the clever wee stick, a very much wanted one, but wow did my life change!

It took me nearly two years to get rid of my motor bike even though I never rode it again after finding out I was pregnant, my hobbies now revolved around child birth and child rearing, Frances Fisher as she had once been got lost somewhere following the summer of 2004.

I did suffer PND after the birth of my second child and it was coming out the other side of that, that made me realise how lost I'd been, and for how long. Despite this I've always been a confident mother, however this confidence it seems was to the detriment of all my other life 'confidences'. On the outside even those closest to me wouldn't have noticed but I could feel it deep, deep down inside me, niggling away all the time, telling me I couldn't do things, couldn't achieve anything and this was now my life FOREVER! 'Just' a Mother, I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

This year has seen a change in me, my children are a little bit older and require far less input from me on the more mundane aspects of child rearing and for the first time in years I started to feel like I had space in my brain for me!

I've always been a big reader (even that fell by the wayside for a few years!) And when I started again I started to think, 'I could write better than this' A real turning point for me. Maybe my novel won't be as good, maybe it will, but the fact that I've started has made me realise that in fact I am not getting older I am getting younger and slowly heading back to my 25 year old former self!

So for all of you who are reading this and thinking there is no light at the end of the tunnel, trust me there is, the mist will rise and like they say it's good to bang your head against a brick wall for a bit because it makes you realise how good it is when it stops....

Family Tree