The Return of a Mother's Long Lost Mojo

Once I was dynamic, once I was confident, once I took time for myself, once I was single and carefree. Then I got married and had children....

In my early twenties I longed for the security and love of a long term partner, not marriage and children necessarily, just somebody to share the ups and downs of life with. I met my now husband when I was 25 and my first daughter arrived when I was 30.

Up until that point I guess I lived a hedonistic lifestyle, with nobody to consider but myself and my partner, we both had well paid (if stressful) jobs, drove nice cars and indulged ourselves with sports bikes and all their associated accessories. Meals out were at least twice weekly and we did what we liked when we liked in our free time. My first child was a 'happy accident' and within seconds of the confirmation by the clever wee stick, a very much wanted one, but wow did my life change!

It took me nearly two years to get rid of my motor bike even though I never rode it again after finding out I was pregnant, my hobbies now revolved around child birth and child rearing, Frances Fisher as she had once been got lost somewhere following the summer of 2004.

I did suffer PND after the birth of my second child and it was coming out the other side of that, that made me realise how lost I'd been, and for how long. Despite this I've always been a confident mother, however this confidence it seems was to the detriment of all my other life 'confidences'. On the outside even those closest to me wouldn't have noticed but I could feel it deep, deep down inside me, niggling away all the time, telling me I couldn't do things, couldn't achieve anything and this was now my life FOREVER! 'Just' a Mother, I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

This year has seen a change in me, my children are a little bit older and require far less input from me on the more mundane aspects of child rearing and for the first time in years I started to feel like I had space in my brain for me!

I've always been a big reader (even that fell by the wayside for a few years!) And when I started again I started to think, 'I could write better than this' A real turning point for me. Maybe my novel won't be as good, maybe it will, but the fact that I've started has made me realise that in fact I am not getting older I am getting younger and slowly heading back to my 25 year old former self!

So for all of you who are reading this and thinking there is no light at the end of the tunnel, trust me there is, the mist will rise and like they say it's good to bang your head against a brick wall for a bit because it makes you realise how good it is when it stops....

Family Tree

Tweetie Twoo Gift Set Winner

As promised I'm pleased to announce that the winner of this gorgeous Grobag and Swaddling Blanket Gift Set is......

@timeformum

Congratulations, it'll be in the post asap.

If you didn't win this time don't worry I'm going to be doing more giveaways in the future and they will always include current followers of my blog.

Thanks again

Fran (BG) x

Competition - Give Away - Grobag Gift Set

Okay here's the deal my lovelies, I have an absolutely gorgeous Tweetie Twoo Grobag and Swaddling Blanket gift set to give away to one of the first 35 followers of this my new, entertaining mummy blog.

The gift set is part of the Gro Company family and contains a 0-6 months 2.5 tog Grobag and a co ordinating Gro Swaddling Blanket. It comes in a gorgeous presentation box and an outer cardboard box to protect it during postage! RRP is £34.99. There is a full product specification here Tweetie Twoo .

The competition will close as soon as the blog has 35 followers and I will select a winner at random, the result will be announced via Twitter and the winner notified via email.... Happy retweeting!

Why would I want to be a 'Scummy Mummy' ?

Okay, so in my last blog entry I had what could be called, 'a bit of a pop' at so called 'Yummy Mummys' today is the turn of the 'Scummy Mummy'.

The Scummy Mummy for me isn't that different to the Yummy Mummy in many ways. They are both self indulgent and have lost their way some how. I think for the sake of this entry we can eliminate those who (like myself) have suffered from any level of PND. And also those who might have succumbed to a little scumminess during those first few heady days of getting ones head around another small, very dependent human needing caring for.

For the purpose of this blog I am talking about sane, capable women who choose, yes it is a choice ladies, to not get dressed or as I have witnessed, to actually do the morning (and in one case the afternoon!) school run in their pyjamas.

I just can't understand why anyone would want to sit around in their night clothes during the day, surrounded by discarded baby stuff, empty cups and no doubt encrusted cereal bowls. Also for the record I don't think Jeremy Kyle is the best influence in motivating the Scummy Mummy, it's a scheduling winner for the TV station!

I'm not judging the Scummy or the Yummy Mummy on her ability to mother her children, on an individual basis both fare well I'm sure, my opinion is about their ability to look after their own well being alongside their children's, whether it be too much or far too little. Don't get me wrong, I don't have total tunnel vision, when I returned to work when my youngest daughter was a meagre few months old I was hardly highly polished even though I was a sales representative and should have been, however I was clean, made up and suited and booted, occasionally there may have been a small amount of positing on my right shoulder and once in my hair, but that hardly makes me Scummy? I should imagine the Yummiest amongst you would disagree.

If you were to put either of these labels on me which you are more than entitled to as I am airing my opinions with you, I would probably say that for the last seven years I have probably leaned towards Scum rather than Yum, however my children are older now, the youngest turns four next month and I have actually started wearing make up on a daily basis, something I never thought I would do again since leaving my sales job five years ago....so maybe just maybe there is room for one more Yummy on the block...

Coming next Mrs 'Knows Best Mummy...'

Why would I want to be a 'Yummy Mummy' ?

Why indeed? While I obviously hold no exception to being called a 'Mummy' since the birth of my first daughter in 2004, I have never had any desire to twin it with the word 'Yummy'. Let's face it after those first three weeks of broken nights and endless colic there was nothing further from my mind than the desire to be 'Yummy'. I was lucky if I got in the shower for a wash in those early days.

I did however eventually manage some sort of semblance of routine but this was based around the needs of my child and not around what I looked like or whether or not I was of the mind set to purchase the very latest in baby changing bags, prams or any of the other over priced paraphernalia associated with joining the exclusivity of being a 'Yummy Mummy'.

My more cynical side feels that it was a brand invented, and then punted and PR'd about by product manufacturers to entice new mothers into buying into some sort of higher level status through buying their products. As a new mother do we really need this extra pressure and lets face it in this day and age, expense? We've all seen the pictures and read the articles about celebs achieving their pre baby size 8 (or less) figures within weeks of giving birth but for most of us (and I do mean MOST!) this is highly unachievable, I for one can't remember ever being a size 8 pre baby, never mind post baby!

If I'm being honest I enjoyed not having to look my best all the time, as long as I was clean this seemed to be enough and my daughter didn't seem to mind that she was being pushed around in what to some might seem like a sub standard pram. I do of course have a changing bag and a pram but they didn't cost some of the ridiculous amounts I've seen charged, and some of my mummy friends seem to think that it is absolutely necessary to have four or five of each, I find this quite shocking for one tiny baby.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, maybe I just like to buck the trend, who knows. Let's face it I've only just bought my first pair of skinny jeans, probably just in time for them to go out of fashion again. Some of my friends are aspirational Yummy Mummy's and I still value their friendship in the same way and don't see them as any less or any more because of their acute desire to be seen as something that for me is unfathomable to even list on my priorities.

Coming next why I'm also not brand 'Scummy Mummy'......

What to Buy for a New Baby?

So much choice is not necessarily a good thing, I'll never forget the first time I went into a well known baby shop when I was pregnant with Amy and wondering what on earth I would need all this for, I didn't even know what 80% of it was..

I've tried to condense some of the must haves for new Mums  in an effort to alleviate some of the confusion.

Your new baby can be as expensive as you want it to be, there are no rules as to what to buy, below is a list of items you may find useful.

Clothing

You can buy as little or as much clothing as you like for your baby the ranges and choices on offer are seemingly endless, but do bear in mind you will more than likely be flooded with 'cute' baby wear after or in some cases even before the birth so if you want to buy your baby clothes before the birth try to opt for outfits in bigger sizes.
All you really need are 6 -12 newborn baby grows (depending on how often you want to do the washing!) and 6 or so vests. A packet of bibs is handy although a pack of muslin squares is more practical in the early days, and something to wear home from the hospital. If you are reading this when you are only a few months pregnant remember to bear in mind what the weather will be like when you have your baby.

If you don't know the sex of your baby I would buy as little as possible or you will find your baby wearing white and beige for the first few months of its little life! Anyway it's a lovely first outing to go shopping for new clothes for your cherub.

Nappies
Which to choose. Reusable or disposable? Branded or supermarket? Best thing to do is ask other mums and take advantage of the mistakes they made. If you are choosing reusable you will need to do some
research because of the initial outlay a mistake here could cost you! There are loads of companies now who offer a consultation service and advise you what you will need, some will even come and collect the
dirty nappies from you and deliver clean ones, find out what is available in your area. If you are using disposable make sure you have 2 or 3 packs of your chosen nappy in stock and take a packet to the
hospital as you don't know how long you will have to stay for.

Feeding Equipment
If you are breastfeeding then this is easy, all you need are your boobs. It might be worth investing in some nipple cream before the birth, it can be expensive but will probably not be wasted, and buying in advance is slightly preferable to popping to the chemist with sore nipples!
If you are planning to bottle feed then you will need 6 newborn bottles a tin of formula and a sterilising unit. It is best to familiarise yourself with the process of making up feeds before hand so you're not doing it in a panic with your new screaming child!

Somewhere to Sleep
A lot of mothers find a moses basket invaluable for a new born as you can move your baby around the house without waking it, if you choose to buy a moses basket bear in mind when you see the beautiful
cribs that cost a fortune that your baby will only use it for around the first 3 months of its life so this may not be the best use of your cash! Go for something basic a less expensive. If you are buying second hand do make sure you buy a new mattress!

You can buy a cot before your baby is born, again it is a good idea to ask other mums what they bought, there are cot beds available which can be converted for your growing child and cots with sides which move
up and down making it easy for you to put down and pick up your baby. Again if you are buying second hand then make sure you buy a new mattress. For bedding buy 3 or 4 sheets for your baby's bed and the same amount of blankets, or you may choose to use a Grobag, I wish I'd invested in mattress protectors sooner rather than later, these days they are super absorbent and super soft, very unlike the plastic ones you may have encountered as a child *shudder*

Out and About
There are again a multitude of prams and car seats available to you. Have a good think about what your day to day life is going to be like for the first 12-18 months of your baby's life and try to make your choices based around them. For example if you plan to do a lot of walking with your baby then invest in a good easy to push pram. Personally I bought a 3 in 1 travel system because I live in the country and do a lot of walking and travelling by car, it's great not having to remove your baby from the car seat when you reach your
destination. But again ask other mums who have similar lifestyles to you what worked best for them before you hand over your cash. Sometimes grandparents like to make this purchase for you, if they want a say in
the style then think carefully before you accept the offer, what they want you to have might not always be the best option practically.

And enjoy, it's a lovely even every time you stock up on something new for you and your baby and it doesn't have to break the bank if you plan ahead.